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Ok - the Captain of the pirate ship sends a lookout up to the crow's nest to take a look around. The lookout shouts down; "Captain, I see one enemy ship on the horizon!"
The Captain says "Quick, fetch me my red shirt!" He puts on the red shirt ready to go into battle, knowing that his blood won't show against the red shirt and his men won't know if he's been wounded... so they'll keep fighting. It works, they win the battle and sink the enemy ship.
The next day the Captain sends the lookout up to the crow's nest again. The lookout shouts down; "Captain, I see TEN enemy ships on the horizon!"
The Captain says "Quick! Fetch me my brown pants!"

LMAO...... ok, since we started down the pirate road...... how about this..........

A pirate with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly walks into a bar, walks up to the bar and orders himself a bottle of rum. The bartender gets him his bottle, and then says "OK, I gotta ask, what's up with the steering wheel?" The pirate takes a big swig, squints at the bartender, and replies "Aaargghh! It drives me nuts!"

I know, I know, boo, hiss, rolling of the eyes and all that, but it's the only pirate joke that came to mind.............

I'm adding that one to my list of pirate jokes...that makes 2 now.

Speaking of bar jokes, here's a one-liner;

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer... and a mop.

Since we're on bad one liners now, how about;

A rabbi, a priest, and a Baptist minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why such a long face?"

"I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar."

Probably should have posted these before the drubbing yesterday, but here goes anyway;

Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas....

or

I dressed as Tim Tebow for Halloween, so I made sure to overthrow the kids.

and one more for the Green Bay fans.........

A first grade teacher proclaims to her class that she is a CheeseHead.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are CheeseHeads too.
Not really knowing what a CheeseHead is, but desperately seeking their teachers approval, their little hands flash up into the air.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Katie who's just sitting quietly, hands folded on her desk, shaking her head ever so slightly with a knowing look in her eye.
The teacher asks her why she's not joining the ranks of the CheeseHeads.
“Because I’m not a CheeseHead.”
“If your not a CheeseHead”, asks the teacher, “then what are you?”
“Why, I’m a proud Minnesota Vikings Fan,” smiles the little girl.
The teacher is a getting a little perturbed now. She asks Katie why she doesn't want to be like her and all the other kids.
“Well, my mom and dad are Vikings Fans, so I’m a Vikings Fan too.”
The teacher is now angry. “That’s not a good reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
A pause, and then; "I guess then”, says Katie, with an ornery little smile, “I’d be a CheeseHead”

A pedophile, a rapist, and a catholic priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.

That's awesome! You could also substitute a Penn State assistant coach for the priest........

theres a priest, a penn state assistant coach, and a drunk guy in a car, who's driving? the cop.

3 drunks walk into a bar. nobody knows what happened.

I ahve so many others, but they're all highly inappropriate for a family forum.