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A husband comes home one night and asks his disgruntled wife, what would you do if I told you that I won the lottery? To which she replies, I'd demand have the winnings and leave your sorry ass!
Good he says. I won $20 on a scratch and win ticket, now here's $10 and get the hell out!

Okay,

A penguin is driving through town in the summer time when his air conditioner goes on the fritz. So he finds a garage and the mechanic says, "I'll take a look at it to see what's wrong. Come back in half an hour."

While our little friend is waiting he spots an ice cream shop across the street. So he heads over and gets himself a double scoop of vanilla. Well, those little flippers can't handle a cone with two bigass scoops of ice cream so it ends up all down the front of him. Flippers aren't much for handling napkins either so he just shrugs it off and heads back to the garage to check on the car.

When he gets there the mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal."

He looks down at his shirt and says, "Huh? Oh, nahh. That's just some ice cream."

98% of all Harley Davidsons ever sold are still on the road.

The other 2% made it home.

I like your style DD. I'll have to rib my wannabe badboyHD riders with that one.

The Harley boys at the office all got a kick out of that one too.

Two old coots decide to go hit the local whore house, these guys both approaching 90 past dead but knock on the door and the madame lets them in, she looks the 1st one up and down and takes him to a room and comes back for the other.

Well this second ole fellar was toting his O2 bottle so she thinks "I ain't wasting a girl or risking lawsuit" and takes the man to a room and leaves him there with a blow up doll.

Later that night the 2 guys get together and ask how each one made out.

1st guy says "She was ok I guess" and asks the other fella. How was your girl?

2nd guy says mine was a witch!

1st guy "WHAT?!?!? Why do you say that?

2nd guy " Well we was rollin' around and I got a lil playfull and bit her tit, she farted and flew out the window!!!!"

Colonoscopy joke

When the doctor finally came in I said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused
This is my first exam ..
I know what the K-Y is for
And I know what the glove is for,

But can you tell me what the BEER is for?


At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door

He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .. . . . . .

Dang it Evelyn !!!

I said a BUTT LIGHT "!